TruTv Audition

I had the opportunity to auditon for a Televison show that will be aired next year on TruTv, formely Court TV. The show is about a Hunter in South Texas, who has to kill wild hogs, not to be confused with the shitty Tim Allen movie. The audition is, Buck, the hunter is looking for an assistant. I show up having answered a want ad in the newspaper. I come to the audition bringing a resume' Im thinking personal assistant, like planning stuff, getting coffee etc. He needs a Hunting asistant. Me being a lifelong sheltered suburbanite have never gone hunting or fishing. Let alone camping sober.

That was the catch, for the show they wanted to cast an assistant who really didn't know anything about hunting so that the viewer at home had someone to relate too. I show up tp the ranch which was 2 hours south of San Antonio a little early just so I could wait around another couple of hours before they were ready to film me. I get miked up and told to drive to a trailer, park and get out and take it over from there. I do as I'm told because according to the documents they made me sign, I already gave them my soul.

I meet Buck, who looks like if Dog the Bounty Hunter was a burnt out 1997 WCW Nitro Wrestler. Hes tall, got long blonde hair and a black beard. He was dressed in all black with no sleeves. CLASSY. He says he's gonna put me to work ASAP. Now theres, Buck, 2 cameramen, a sound guy, a director and a producer all there to document everything.

YAY, We get to gut a 250lbs wild hog that he shot that morning out of a helicopter with an AK-47. Yeah, thats what this guy does on a Sunday Morning. We get into it, we drag the dead animal to a rack and go to work. I crack some jokes and we start cutting into this beast. I asked him if we could give it a name beofre we violate so hardcore, he happily obliges. The first thing he does is castrate it and put the hog nuts, (still warm) in my hand to gauge a reaction. I make some more wiseacre remarks and he makes more cuts. Knife goes in, organs come out, smells are smelled and everything is going well. I make Buck and the crew laugh a couple times. Sometimes saying really inappropriate stuff, that made Buck double over and laugh for a couple seconds before he could move on. We finish gutting the hog, we get washed up he showed me his house that was FULL of hunting gear like my room is FULL of videogame stuff. He shows me his boarts, other trailers and the box he keeps his rattlesnake in. This Dude is a trip. They do some Exit interviews of me and send me off. I hope it works out. It'd be really cool to be a series regular on a cable TV show, it would really get me booked in a lot more places. Plus look at the pic below and tell me thats not gonna be a badass poster for a TV show.