Saturday, July 21, 2018

Malibu's Most Unwanted

Just got back from doing to hoity toity super ritzy fanciful places in California. It was refreshing to perform comedy to people that want to be entertained, and not people waiting to sit down in between gambling or paying $20 for a GIANT Margarita. Las Vegas has been good to me, but lately I've felt Ive been stuck in a rut. Week after Week, doing the work grinding away not getting the responses Ive wanted. I blame this heat, I cannot be outside in this 115 degree bullshit. I get short of breath, my body overheats I cant think strait. It's maddening and depressing at the same time. I cant get anything done and it frustrates me to no end. I think some of that has been coming across in my comedy, and has suffered for it.

Then Friday the 13th hit. I was booked to perform at a vineyard in Malibu. This place was fancy as hell. Everyone was so cheery and helpful. You could barely smell the money and botox over the smell of wine and Corinthian leather in cars that cost more than houses.

I haven't felt self conscious in a while, but in Malibu where everyone is beautiful and skinny I REALLY felt out of place. Is this what women go through 24/7? it's exhausting. I mean in Las Vegas I look like another tourist. With a close shave I could be mistaken for a Wisconsin housewife.

The show was outdoors, in the hills of Malibu. Plenty of shade, beautiful breeze and barely over 80 degrees. I could walk, talk and think without sweating. I forgot what that was like. I had a great time, and made a lot of new fans ( I Hope). I got a lot of really good feedback after the show, and the response while I was onstage was tremendous. It really recharged my batteries, seeing and hearing appreciating what I love to do, instead of string at dead sunburned faces in casino crowds. After my set , I was approached by this stunning woman named Vanessa, who offered to buy me a drink. What kind of Bizzarro world shit is this? Cali I could get used to you.

After that I got my 1st chance to eat a Fatburger. I didn't even take a minute to take a photo, because I was starving. I didn't even haggle or build anything spectacular, I just kinda pointed at the menu and said "No mayo".

After that my tourguide/buddy Mikey Slyman took me to The Comedy Store. It certainly does have an incredible vibe/energy. We saw Chris D'leia kick out some blonde big tittied woman outside of the Comedy Store. We thought business as usual for Chris. We took a blurry photo outside of the club, but I kinda want to take a better photo when I perform there one day.

Day 2

Im a total L.A. Bro now, so theres that. My friends kept making dumb jokes about me shitting in the street, like Im a goddamn Horse in a Parade. Mikey, our host Ramsey invited us out for Thai food. I got some kickass yellow curry and ate way too much. I felt so Fake-Hollywood I had to tweet about having lunch with a Director (Ramsey) and a Producer (Mikey). It's part of my new Hollywood lifestyle. (HAHA)

We had some time to kill before show #2, so we went downtown to see some sights. We barely exited the highway and we saw Homeless people having a Birthday party on the grassy part of the ramp. A campsite was set up and people were decked out with party hats and balloons. Even in L.A., the homeless use an event coordinator to plan ANY event.

Mikey took me down Sunset to look at some attractions. It was hot, crowded AF and I kinda didn't wanna leave the car. We saw the line of people getting into a Venue for Comedy Centrals Roast of Bruce Willis.
I didn't perk up UNTIL I saw a video billboard of Tejano Superstar and Patron Saint of Latinas everywhere... Selena. The wax museum was advertising its latest attraction, Ms. Biddi Biddi Bom Bom herself. I didn't even notice it was next to iconic L.A. landmarks like Mann's' Chinese Theater or The Hollywood Stars walk of fame. I couldn't give a shit less, until I saw Selena.

The 2nd Show of this mini excursion was at a Four Seasons Hotel Wine tasting bar. It was a small intimate space. Not a lot of people, but we still had fun. I got to work on a new closer that I think will crush for some time to come. We had to get back to Vegas that night, So I left after my set, wish I could've caught the Headliners set.

L.A. was fun and exciting. Im glad I got to hang around and see more of the city than the times I went before when I basically had to play servant, and attend to the needs and wants of others. I cant wait to come back and experience the city all over again and do more shows. 

Well, here is my Entire set form Night 1, at Malibu Winery.

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